The Male Caregiver
Build the skills you need to help yourself and your mates, at our free ImproveMENt resilience building workshop.
Join us for a free BBQ & informal connecting from 4:30pm, followed by resilience skills development from 5:30pm - 7:30pm.
New men are most welcome to attend.
This event is free - book your spot here or by emailing [email protected].
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Husband Carer Builds ‘Bike Chair’ To Take His Wife On Bike Rides
Caring for a loved one comes with many challenges, but when Bill’s beloved wife Glad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s he looked at the role of providing care for his wife as a privilege. “She has done so much for me over all of these years, and now she can’t, but I can, and I can return her love and it means that I can do everything for her,” said Bill.
“I clean her teeth, I shower and dress her, everything – but it’s a privilege to care for this woman who I’ve loved all these years and continue to love.”
Chris Hadfield- tips on spaceship living Can't handle two weeks in your house? Try a year in space.
VICTOR TANGERMANN MARCH 24TH 2020
Retired Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield also had some advice to give in a video uploaded to his YouTube channel over the weekend.
His advice is to approach the situation from an analytical place.
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"I feel like I'm living some strange half-life wherein there are nothing but obligations, work, caregiving, and more work. There is no end in sight and there is little hope for improvement. I am completely trapped. I don't have much advice for you really, just that you're not the only one and I understand how damn hard it can be sometimes."
"Your heart says you should take care of the person without any bitterness and your head says you are completely overwhelmed, bitter, losing your patience, trapped, and losing touch with other people and whatever dreams or hopes you had. It is hard not to feel rather negative no matter how much you love the person."
from renowned psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl:
"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts, comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way."
==== ---- ==== ---- ==== ---- ====
There is no one right way to care for someone you love. You can step up and do more. You can step back and do less. You can hire help. You can move your loved one to a care home. You can assist financially. You can let your loved one fall into whatever safety net is provided by the state. You can run yourself into the ground before you look for other options, or you can avail yourself of those choices earlier. Your character, your capacity, and your relationship with the sick person will all play a role in your decisions, but there is no pure moral high ground where if you do things just this way you will have done everything right. Perfect caregiving is unattainable.
Let go of comparing yourself to the high standard that you set. You are loving enough, even when you do not feel loving. You are patient enough, even though you get exasperated. You are doing enough, even when a stack of things remains undone.
https://bossyspa.com/2020/07/
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I think I'm a Carer. What do I do now?
https://caresearch.com.au/caresearch/Portals/0/Fact-Sheets/2014-Aug-5-How-do-you-care-WEB-G1431.pdf
Common forms of male caregiving:
1. shopping for food and personal care items,
2. attending medical appointments,
3. managing finances or paying bills,
4. communicating with friends and family about a loved one's condition,
5. providing transportation, and
6. administering and/or tracking medications top the list of most common duties.
7. Many men also manage personal aspects, such as bathing and bathroom needs.
Caregiving for a spouse versus parent:
While emotions are involved in any caregiving relationship, caring for a spouse is different than for a parent. Spousal caregivers differ in the type of intimacy of the connection.
"Often, sexuality may be affected by the care recipient's illness," says Harrison. "Particularly in a marriage, men may try to keep everything within the relationship and not talk about it to anyone else -- even family, close friends, physicians, or others. Intimacy issues of a different type may affect men who are caregiving for their mothers. Male caregivers are more likely to say they feel unprepared for this role as compared to female caregivers." For example, assisting with their mothers' personal care needs, such as bathing or changing adult diapers, is difficult for some men. However, there are sons who take control of the situation and resolve the problem by viewing it as simply another task that needs to be done and they do it. Others choose to delegate or hire someone to assist with personal care.
Caring for yourself while you help others:
https://healthymale.org.au/mens-health
1. Delegation and opting for outside support when possible certainly sound like smart ideas. Many male caregivers suffer from health problems themselves.
Looking after YOUR health too - as a man...
You will find out why certain foods play special health roles in a man’s diet for prostate problems, staying lean, and putting on muscle. There are even some in the list that may help your bedroom performance.
Red Meat: If you closed your eyes and imagined a meal made for a man, there’s a good chance you’d dream up an imaginary steak. Men eat a lot more protein than women on average. And for the most part, all that additional protein is healthy. If you want to watch your weight, protein may be a better choice than carbs because your body spends more calories burning protein. It also helps build and retain muscle mass. The key is to have lean red meat in small portions and not eat it daily.
https://medicinenet.com/pictures_slideshow_foods_to_boost_male_health/article.htm
2. High blood pressure/hypertension,
3. arthritis, and
4. high cholesterol are the three most widely experienced physical maladies,
5. while nearly a quarter of respondents suffer from depression.
6. Others experience stress from financial burdens (around 40 percent of men spent more than $5,000 on caregiving expenses in the past year).
"Generally speaking, men are task-oriented, seek to solve problems, and prefer a routine. When a caregiving dilemma has no clear solution or they face chaos and fragmentation, as with the current health care system, some men respond by feeling ineffective, depressed, and/or angry," says Harrison. "When they struggle, according to some studies, yes, they tend to be more reluctant to seek help than female caregivers. They also do not verbalize their feelings as willingly as women."
TIPS for male caregivers:
No-one said it was going to be easy, but this is beyond that. What do I do now?
Since it's imperative for men to help themselves while they're helping their loved ones, these six guy-centric tips offer ways to approach caregiving challenges:
Educate yourself.
1. Learn as much as you can about the care recipient's diseases and/or disabilities.
2. "Talk to the doctor, a social worker, or a geriatric care manager.
3. Ask questions of healthcare workers.
4. Setting up your own Team.
5. Discuss issues and find out what works for the care recipient and you.
6. Inquire about outside services that can provide assistance or support."
"I hope you realize, when you have mates, buddies and old friends, brothers and sisters, who you chat with, laugh with, talk with, have sing songs with, talk about north-south-east-west or heaven and earth, that is true happiness!"
Steve Jobs died a billionaire at age 56. This is his final essay.
Print Resources Different people have different needs for information at different times during an illness. Patients will also have different needs from their carers. To support these different needs the following list of resources has been compiled based around topics relevant to patients and their carers. The source of the information is included, note that some information is from outside Australia.
https://www.caresearch.com.au/caresearch/tabid/1262/Default.aspx#BGL
Share your experiences and get support:
Typically, men don't talk about caregiving stress, but not sharing what's really going on is a stress unto itself. "Acknowledge your emotions, because you are not a robot, you are a human being," says Harrison. "Be honest with yourself. You can't do it all. Know that stress, anger, and frustration are common feelings among caregivers. Take care of your health, too."
Caregiving is a lonely job for all, but especially so when you look around and don't see members of your tribe.
Explore the growing number of support groups for male caregivers.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Six Phases of Caring: http://carerlifecourse.org.au/interactive/main.htm
Lead with and value your strengths.
Everyone brings their own abilities to the fore with caregiving and, while skills may be different, they are equally important. If managing finances and creating schedules for doctor appointments and medications comes more easily to you, focus on those and get help, if you can, for other, more daunting aspects of caregiving. "Just because a man is managing Mom's finances instead of giving her a bath doesn't mean he isn't caregiving," says Tucker. "Men have always been nurturers, but not always in the same ways as women. If you're always looking for solutions, then use your typical 'fixer' predisposition to its full advantage and find solutions with professionals."
"When I asked how he emotionally coped... he replied that you smile and be strong for them, because sometimes that’s all you can do."
Special thanks to Dr. Patch Adams for this insight into what is Really Important in our lives.
"Male caregiver."
The label should no longer raise an eyebrow. The sheer numbers of men in this role are impossible to ignore. As societal expectations catch up to the reality, it's important to source as much support as you can as you set about caring for your spouse, family member...
Becoming a Carer does not detract from being a man. However, it does require you to utilize all of those resources that are available so that the care of your loved one is the Best that is available!
Caregiving can be almost a full-time job.
What do you do? Get in help? Pass the caring to one of your family members? Have a shot at doing it yourself?
Stay in your full-time job? Convert to part-time? Leave work?
Often a male who finds himself becoming a Carer suffers from a loss of “purpose.” Victor Frankl’s famous 1946 book Man’s Search for Meaning has a great quote that goes something like this: “Your work is not your worth.” This is a concept that is difficult for many of us to accept and grasp.
Considerations:
These decisions are Not Easy! Momentum is defined as the property or tendency of a moving object to continue moving. For an object moving in a line, the momentum is the mass of the object multiplied by its velocity.
What a Carer Actually DOES:
Carer self-assessment checklist:
As a carer, there are a number of things to consider to make sure both you and the person you care for remain as healthy as possible, both physically and emotionally.
By doing a carer needs assessment and self-assessing your own situation, you will better know what resources you may need to draw on in the future.
A good place to start for a self-assessment is to note down how many hours you spend each week helping, supervising or prompting the person you care for with, for example:
Knowing how much time you spend on these home care activities will also help you when you are assessed for Government carer support services.
"I feel like I'm living some strange half-life wherein there are nothing but obligations, work, caregiving, and more work. There is no end in sight and there is little hope for improvement. I am completely trapped. I don't have much advice for you really, just that you're not the only one and I understand how damn hard it can be sometimes."
"Your heart says you should take care of the person without any bitterness and your head says you are completely overwhelmed, bitter, losing your patience, trapped, and losing touch with other people and whatever dreams or hopes you had. It is hard not to feel rather negative no matter how much you love the person."
from renowned psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl:
"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts, comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way."
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- Events/ 25th June 2021
- Marcus Mission ImproveMENt: Resilience Building Workshop - Gold Coast
- Mermaid Beach Surf Life Saving Club172 Hedges Avenue, Mermaid Beach 4218
- or by contacting [email protected] / M: 0419 750 607
Build the skills you need to help yourself and your mates, at our free ImproveMENt resilience building workshop.
Join us for a free BBQ & informal connecting from 4:30pm, followed by resilience skills development from 5:30pm - 7:30pm.
New men are most welcome to attend.
This event is free - book your spot here or by emailing [email protected].
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Husband Carer Builds ‘Bike Chair’ To Take His Wife On Bike Rides
Caring for a loved one comes with many challenges, but when Bill’s beloved wife Glad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s he looked at the role of providing care for his wife as a privilege. “She has done so much for me over all of these years, and now she can’t, but I can, and I can return her love and it means that I can do everything for her,” said Bill.
“I clean her teeth, I shower and dress her, everything – but it’s a privilege to care for this woman who I’ve loved all these years and continue to love.”
Chris Hadfield- tips on spaceship living Can't handle two weeks in your house? Try a year in space.
VICTOR TANGERMANN MARCH 24TH 2020
Retired Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield also had some advice to give in a video uploaded to his YouTube channel over the weekend.
His advice is to approach the situation from an analytical place.
- First, figure out the actual risks that you and your loved ones are facing right now.
- Then find an objective and set yourself goals.
- = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - =
"I feel like I'm living some strange half-life wherein there are nothing but obligations, work, caregiving, and more work. There is no end in sight and there is little hope for improvement. I am completely trapped. I don't have much advice for you really, just that you're not the only one and I understand how damn hard it can be sometimes."
"Your heart says you should take care of the person without any bitterness and your head says you are completely overwhelmed, bitter, losing your patience, trapped, and losing touch with other people and whatever dreams or hopes you had. It is hard not to feel rather negative no matter how much you love the person."
from renowned psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl:
"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts, comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way."
==== ---- ==== ---- ==== ---- ====
There is no one right way to care for someone you love. You can step up and do more. You can step back and do less. You can hire help. You can move your loved one to a care home. You can assist financially. You can let your loved one fall into whatever safety net is provided by the state. You can run yourself into the ground before you look for other options, or you can avail yourself of those choices earlier. Your character, your capacity, and your relationship with the sick person will all play a role in your decisions, but there is no pure moral high ground where if you do things just this way you will have done everything right. Perfect caregiving is unattainable.
Let go of comparing yourself to the high standard that you set. You are loving enough, even when you do not feel loving. You are patient enough, even though you get exasperated. You are doing enough, even when a stack of things remains undone.
https://bossyspa.com/2020/07/
--------------- 00000000000000 ------------ 00000000000
I think I'm a Carer. What do I do now?
https://caresearch.com.au/caresearch/Portals/0/Fact-Sheets/2014-Aug-5-How-do-you-care-WEB-G1431.pdf
Common forms of male caregiving:
1. shopping for food and personal care items,
2. attending medical appointments,
3. managing finances or paying bills,
4. communicating with friends and family about a loved one's condition,
5. providing transportation, and
6. administering and/or tracking medications top the list of most common duties.
7. Many men also manage personal aspects, such as bathing and bathroom needs.
Caregiving for a spouse versus parent:
While emotions are involved in any caregiving relationship, caring for a spouse is different than for a parent. Spousal caregivers differ in the type of intimacy of the connection.
"Often, sexuality may be affected by the care recipient's illness," says Harrison. "Particularly in a marriage, men may try to keep everything within the relationship and not talk about it to anyone else -- even family, close friends, physicians, or others. Intimacy issues of a different type may affect men who are caregiving for their mothers. Male caregivers are more likely to say they feel unprepared for this role as compared to female caregivers." For example, assisting with their mothers' personal care needs, such as bathing or changing adult diapers, is difficult for some men. However, there are sons who take control of the situation and resolve the problem by viewing it as simply another task that needs to be done and they do it. Others choose to delegate or hire someone to assist with personal care.
Caring for yourself while you help others:
https://healthymale.org.au/mens-health
1. Delegation and opting for outside support when possible certainly sound like smart ideas. Many male caregivers suffer from health problems themselves.
Looking after YOUR health too - as a man...
You will find out why certain foods play special health roles in a man’s diet for prostate problems, staying lean, and putting on muscle. There are even some in the list that may help your bedroom performance.
Red Meat: If you closed your eyes and imagined a meal made for a man, there’s a good chance you’d dream up an imaginary steak. Men eat a lot more protein than women on average. And for the most part, all that additional protein is healthy. If you want to watch your weight, protein may be a better choice than carbs because your body spends more calories burning protein. It also helps build and retain muscle mass. The key is to have lean red meat in small portions and not eat it daily.
https://medicinenet.com/pictures_slideshow_foods_to_boost_male_health/article.htm
- Reviewed By: Charles Patrick Davis, MD, PhD
2. High blood pressure/hypertension,
3. arthritis, and
4. high cholesterol are the three most widely experienced physical maladies,
5. while nearly a quarter of respondents suffer from depression.
6. Others experience stress from financial burdens (around 40 percent of men spent more than $5,000 on caregiving expenses in the past year).
"Generally speaking, men are task-oriented, seek to solve problems, and prefer a routine. When a caregiving dilemma has no clear solution or they face chaos and fragmentation, as with the current health care system, some men respond by feeling ineffective, depressed, and/or angry," says Harrison. "When they struggle, according to some studies, yes, they tend to be more reluctant to seek help than female caregivers. They also do not verbalize their feelings as willingly as women."
TIPS for male caregivers:
No-one said it was going to be easy, but this is beyond that. What do I do now?
Since it's imperative for men to help themselves while they're helping their loved ones, these six guy-centric tips offer ways to approach caregiving challenges:
Educate yourself.
1. Learn as much as you can about the care recipient's diseases and/or disabilities.
2. "Talk to the doctor, a social worker, or a geriatric care manager.
3. Ask questions of healthcare workers.
4. Setting up your own Team.
5. Discuss issues and find out what works for the care recipient and you.
6. Inquire about outside services that can provide assistance or support."
"I hope you realize, when you have mates, buddies and old friends, brothers and sisters, who you chat with, laugh with, talk with, have sing songs with, talk about north-south-east-west or heaven and earth, that is true happiness!"
Steve Jobs died a billionaire at age 56. This is his final essay.
Print Resources Different people have different needs for information at different times during an illness. Patients will also have different needs from their carers. To support these different needs the following list of resources has been compiled based around topics relevant to patients and their carers. The source of the information is included, note that some information is from outside Australia.
https://www.caresearch.com.au/caresearch/tabid/1262/Default.aspx#BGL
Share your experiences and get support:
Typically, men don't talk about caregiving stress, but not sharing what's really going on is a stress unto itself. "Acknowledge your emotions, because you are not a robot, you are a human being," says Harrison. "Be honest with yourself. You can't do it all. Know that stress, anger, and frustration are common feelings among caregivers. Take care of your health, too."
Caregiving is a lonely job for all, but especially so when you look around and don't see members of your tribe.
Explore the growing number of support groups for male caregivers.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Six Phases of Caring: http://carerlifecourse.org.au/interactive/main.htm
Lead with and value your strengths.
Everyone brings their own abilities to the fore with caregiving and, while skills may be different, they are equally important. If managing finances and creating schedules for doctor appointments and medications comes more easily to you, focus on those and get help, if you can, for other, more daunting aspects of caregiving. "Just because a man is managing Mom's finances instead of giving her a bath doesn't mean he isn't caregiving," says Tucker. "Men have always been nurturers, but not always in the same ways as women. If you're always looking for solutions, then use your typical 'fixer' predisposition to its full advantage and find solutions with professionals."
"When I asked how he emotionally coped... he replied that you smile and be strong for them, because sometimes that’s all you can do."
Special thanks to Dr. Patch Adams for this insight into what is Really Important in our lives.
"Male caregiver."
The label should no longer raise an eyebrow. The sheer numbers of men in this role are impossible to ignore. As societal expectations catch up to the reality, it's important to source as much support as you can as you set about caring for your spouse, family member...
Becoming a Carer does not detract from being a man. However, it does require you to utilize all of those resources that are available so that the care of your loved one is the Best that is available!
Caregiving can be almost a full-time job.
What do you do? Get in help? Pass the caring to one of your family members? Have a shot at doing it yourself?
Stay in your full-time job? Convert to part-time? Leave work?
Often a male who finds himself becoming a Carer suffers from a loss of “purpose.” Victor Frankl’s famous 1946 book Man’s Search for Meaning has a great quote that goes something like this: “Your work is not your worth.” This is a concept that is difficult for many of us to accept and grasp.
Considerations:
- Health care - unknowable health costs.
- Meaning - do you lose your identity?
- Wall of fear - running out out of money. That black swan event...
- Bodies in motion. Enjoying your job.
- Missing out.
These decisions are Not Easy! Momentum is defined as the property or tendency of a moving object to continue moving. For an object moving in a line, the momentum is the mass of the object multiplied by its velocity.
What a Carer Actually DOES:
Carer self-assessment checklist:
As a carer, there are a number of things to consider to make sure both you and the person you care for remain as healthy as possible, both physically and emotionally.
By doing a carer needs assessment and self-assessing your own situation, you will better know what resources you may need to draw on in the future.
A good place to start for a self-assessment is to note down how many hours you spend each week helping, supervising or prompting the person you care for with, for example:
- mobility (moving around the house, turning someone during the night)
- personal hygiene (bathing, dressing, using the toilet)
- eating and drinking (making sure they eat and drink, preparing food)
- communication and social participation (organizing social activities, help with communicating their needs to you or others)
- health and treatment (giving medicine, therapeutic exercises)
- safety (checking water temperature, making sure someone does not injure themselves or others)
- behaviour (supervising and understanding why people act the way they do).
Knowing how much time you spend on these home care activities will also help you when you are assessed for Government carer support services.
"I feel like I'm living some strange half-life wherein there are nothing but obligations, work, caregiving, and more work. There is no end in sight and there is little hope for improvement. I am completely trapped. I don't have much advice for you really, just that you're not the only one and I understand how damn hard it can be sometimes."
"Your heart says you should take care of the person without any bitterness and your head says you are completely overwhelmed, bitter, losing your patience, trapped, and losing touch with other people and whatever dreams or hopes you had. It is hard not to feel rather negative no matter how much you love the person."
from renowned psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl:
"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts, comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way."